ready for a change?



do you feel guilty? im sure, you do. if don't, just leave.


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black promises or a promises without a future?

Today, i started thinking of all these promises which i keep making to myself. For example: "tomorrow i'm gonna start my new life". Im sick, sick, sick tired and annoyed by this promise. Honestly. how many times did you promise that to yourself. My point is, nothing is gonna change.
When we actually doing something to make all these promises happen. Almost never, or just at the beginning of the promise. Whats the point then?

I am fat, not a a pretty with mental decoders female. Oh well. It happens, you know. Everyone has it in himself. But why make these promises?!? To make myself feel better, but its not gonna last, is it? And then, after all these hopes its gonna hurt even more. All sad thought will come back, weight will start reaching the limit. You ll start feeling bad again. NO, it is all wrong.

How can i change. But by the making this change, im i gonna change myself? or is it a simple change? But of course, its gonna be a change of myself< but do i wanna make this change? Is it me at all, who is asking if i need a change, is it an inside voice? hmmm. it IS an inside voice.

Inside voice, what do we mean by that? It is a feeling< but feeling of what? of scare? of laziness? what is this all about?


i ve got a feeling

...i ve got this power, from somewhere, to give yourself another try : ), to start over... and ive got this feeling that this time, everything is going to be good. really good : )

: D x x

@настроение: I LOVE MYSELF


want to fall in love

really in need of love, i think : ) i want t love him, and i want him to love me, but i dont think its going to work. but a same. he is perfect, by this word, i mean he IS perfect. cant stop thinking of getting together, but its so unreal, honestly. soooooooooo bloody fucking confused .c o m

anyway, want to fall in love. : ) im ready, at last. took me a while to recover

love you all
x x


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v poiskah otveta

ne mogu ponjat, 4to proishodit...
kakie-to neponjatki, odino4estvo, verno odino4estvo, kak pravilno podobrala slovo.
V kvartire opjat nikogo, za stenkoi sosedi slushajut kakie-to basy. Ne znaju kuda sebja kinut, 4em sebja zanjat. Kakie-to neponjatnye trevogi, pustota. 4ego-to ne hvataet. Ponjat by po4emu obrazuetsja eta pustota, 4em ejo zapolnit. Kak smeshno i nelepo zvu4it eta fraza, "vsjo s zavtrashnego dnja na4nu novuju zizn". A mozet stoit poprobovat, eshjo raz, s 4istogo lista? I 4to? dat' sebe opjat glupye, pustye obeshanija. Ot4ajenie mu4aet. Kakie-to neponjatnye razo4arovanija. Po pustjakam, i bez vsjakogo smysla.
Ne poimu.
Kozalas by vsjo horosho, a net, 4to-to opjat ne tak. Kakaja-to neponjatnaja trevoga, Gde-to v glubine, vnutrenni golos prosit o pomoshi. Znat by, kak pomo4, 4em uspakoit. Gde naiti podskazku! Ni4ego ne pomogaet. Pustota, trevoga..4to proishodit?
Gde, kuda, po4emu- postojanno mu4ajushie voprosy. Kak dostala eta neponjatnaja toska. Za4em i po4emu eti mu4enija.Kogda ze nastupit edilija serdca i myshlenija, Verojatno ne skoro, a mozet nikogda. Nikak ne mogu ponjat', kak vsjo ispravit. I nado li ispravljat. Opjat ze, za4em, po4emu? Po4emu vsjo ne mozet byt' gladko. Nu neuzzeli eshjo ne iz4erpala svoi sily?


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fuck it, i lied

whatever i do, whatever i think, is you,

but how the fuck its possible???

didnt see you for ages, im still thinking about you< how is that

still cant understant why, why God gave me this punishment? or is it some kind of task? or what is it?
what ive done wrong? tell me, gime a sign.........


пять лет спустя

....пять лет спустя, каких-то пару часов, и всё возврасшяыется обрано...how is that possible, why? and i DO mean WHY?

i cant understand that... i cant understand my feelings....at all :(

we spent a nice evening with friends, funny you were not even...different maybe. no. not differenet. respectfull. maybe...i dont know, but i keep thinking about you, again, what makes me happy on one side, but not on the other, because i'll never tell you that, i think.


had a nice night yesterday, today was a nice day as well, sun was shining,
today i realised, it wount work. its a shame, but true, we are to different : (


i cant undestand, what is going on, why h is reacting like that, i mean i do understand maybe, im not doing anything for him,))
heyy, here is a smile ona face, he answered))

forget it all then.

feel dab about that ..

oops, fu*king beach


i've got so many questions to myself


am i in love?
how am i suppose to know?

@музыка: lady gaga - poker face

@настроение: want to dance


feeeeel extreamly angry, don't know why,
wana shout at someone or idont know :(


as i thouth, he knows nothing about me, had a chat 2day, i dont know, i dont think, that he even cares, or he does, dont, know
question of the day: should i go to me friends place, and he's gonna b there, ??? or what should i do?


boring sunday nit. wanna go to sleep, but ill...

and again, had so many 4ts, and when came here, dont know what 2 write.
hmmm, lets go back 2 last weekend, had night out, good one, but finished all that with the men in my house, in my bedroom, in my bad... in the morning also found him in my bad, so it wasnt a dream...hmmm. my person thou. like him. but cant understand what he is doing now, or what he is trying to do. he is not texting that ofthen, 2 b honest, he text me 2s, i think, and than nothing from him 4 a week, and 2day recieved a note from him on a facebook...what that??, or he just undersands me so good, what i dont think he does, but who knows...anyway i like when its sth unsertain...
question of the day: shadows from the past are still following me. y????

Дневник diaryOfColdKiss